Listening and Learning from Former Catholics

Earlier this month, I read an editorial by Jim McDermott, SJ, in America Magazine’s daily newsletter “America Today” (February 4, 2022) entitled “Yes, the church needs to listen to former Catholics and not just with an agenda of winning them back.”

McDermott was referencing an America Magazine Editorial (“The Catholic Church needs to listen to those who have left religion behind” (January 13, 2022) about the importance of the listening phase of the Synodal process Pope Francis has initiated especially listening to those who have left religion behind.

A Conversation

Both articles reminded me of a conversation that I had many years ago and many conversations since.  I don’t remember the place or circumstances, but I was standing next to a man who started the conversation. It went something like this:

Man: I see you are a Catholic nun.  I went to Catholic schools all 16 years.  I remember those days.

Me:  That’s great. [I didn’t want to say more, because that intro is often followed by what he said next.]

Man:  Yeah, they were good years.  But it has been a long time since I have been in a church.

Me:  Really?  Did something happen?

Man:  No, not really.  After college I moved away from my family and was on my own.  I joined a parish and went for a while, but I never felt that I belonged.  Then my life got busy and I stopped going and have never gone back. [Sometimes the person has been hurt by someone in the church and they are too hurt and/or angry to think about returning even years later, but that was not this man’s experience.]

Me: Have you ever thought about coming back?

Man:  No.  Why should I?  No one noticed me when I was there.  No one missed me when I stopped going.  Why go back to that? [This was a statement of fact for him—no big emotion, just a fact.]

Me: I understand. [Then we went on to other topics.]

What I Learned

I did not know him nor did I ever see him again, but I have never forgotten his words: “No one noticed me when I was there.  No one missed me when I stopped going.  Why go back to that?”

We Catholics still have a lot to learn about welcoming, including and caring for visitors, new-comers and one another. I hope that comes out in the Synodal listening process.

What I have learned in listening to some of those who have left religion behind, is that we need to first say “welcome” and secondly, we have to mean it. Many people interested in the church see us first online.  If there is no welcome and no recognition that someone may be looking for a way join or a reason to return, they just click away.

“That’s Crazy!”

As a Catholic new to an area told me a few years ago when he found out that I was helping Catholic parishes create evangelizing websites: “They really need the help.  I have visited a ton of parish websites here and near-by.  They are all about themselves. Don’t they want new members? You have to click and click and maybe you find out how to join and get the information you need.  That’s crazy! It shouldn’t be that hard.”  I guess that sums it up.

Your comments are welcome!